I am a selfish bitch :(

Come to think of it, I am pretty selfish. =\
I know it's bad to talk about death as it is something most, well everyone, fears.
But, it'll come eventually right?
I'm actually so selfish that I'd rather have myself dead before everyone else does, especially the ones I love.
I know it is hard, REAL hard to watch people you love leave. Leave as in, forever.

I'm actually so selfish that I would have people cry and mourn over me and me myself relieving from the shallow real world, being lifted to the profound world after life, wherever there will be, I bet it will be far more favorable as compared to the excruciating pain, to watch people I love, perish from the face of earth. Leaving me behind with only the mere memories of them, and feeling helpless, indulging myself in the utmost sorrow and sadness. Watching people around me cry and scream over the death of others just feels like the knife in my heart being pushed, deeper through my chest. The comforting words don't make any of this easily. How could someone be possibly happy when someone else, is dead? Not able to live their life to the fullest, not able to fulfill their last wishes, not able to breathe, like us. Everyone knows no matter how hard you try to get over it, to move on, to believe that those that have left are at a better place, watching us from upon, there will be a thought inside of you, constantly pushing through, surfacing itself to remind you that, the deceased does not deserve this any less than you. Therefore, you will not be truly, truly happy, from within. Even if it does, it does not stay long. The thought of someone is dead, and being at an unknown place right now haunts me. Are they actually happy? Are they in peace? Do they still exist, somewhere? Are they watching us? Those thoughts unable to be fully suppressed, it'll bound back like a spring and hit you harder than before, bringing around a mental breakdown, perhaps?

In conclusion,
I AM selfish. I'd rather be DEAD than to WATCH death.

: I

Hmm,
I guess this blog is the only place where I could pour my heart out atm.
Since both my facebook and twitter are added/followed by some oh-so-nosy people who constantly tease/questioning about my statuses/tweets.
I need my space people, i seriously do.
I can tweet about whatever i like,
I wanna tweet about what I'm doing,
I wanna tweet about what I'm thinking,
And most of all, I wanna tweet about who I am thinking of.
It's none of yo beeswax. srsly.
And seriously, why are you so interested in my relationships?
It's not like it's affiliated with yours. You have your girlfriend, go pay attention to her instead. jeez.



Okay, now that i've got that aside.
Let's talk about my so called productive day?
I slept the almost half the day,
But it felt good tho cause I know I'm not being a total swine alone.
And woke up around 10pm-ish?
Which is way WAY pass dinner time and apparently, everyone in the house are out for FRIDAY NIGHT OUT.
That explains how lifeless I am.
But it's all good. I enjoy being lifeless. =)
Then I'd decided to watch movie instead of doing the pending piles of assignments.
I know that I am not suppose to chill at a time like this, but, what can i say? I major in procrastination.
The movie really helped me survive the night without a certain someone.
Cause apparentlyyy, he's sick and he needs all the rest he could have. Get well soon, baby:).

Guess, I have lost my flair for blogging.
That is indeed sad.
Let's mourn.
I NEED IT BACK.

signing off. you bore me.

Love,
Amanda,
imy.

Stressing out!

Ohmaigosh, you have no idea how time just flies like that.
Before you know it, it's July already!
And my course ends on October.
The second sem is freakishly stressing me out.
Assignments/presentations/exams are crashing in like hdisifbdblomg.
I don't even have my own time.
Just to stay home and read a good book for a day. I miss that.
And even during holidays, it's for studying cause right after the break, then it's the exam.
Like, it's not even a holiday for god's sake!
Or else I'd be working.
Working is fun, I like working cause I feel like, I actually belong with them.
At school, everyone has their cliques and partners, there's not room for outsider, *coughs me *coughs.
Since my friend already left the course, it's gonna be just me from here on out.
Awesomeness.
But working takes up all my time,
So I had to stop for the moment.
So am going to explode.
Pretty boring post.
Deal with it people! Am out of brain juice.







Goodnight peeps.
Imy. :) xoxo

Sweet dreams!

Exactly.

Zomg I'm so bored help!

Hey ya'll.
I'm bored
Kthanksbye.






<3

This is killin' me.

The answer I wanted the most and am the most afraid of is you saying "okay".

Please be in love with someone else.
It will make me feel better.
Because I am a selfish bitch.

Sorry.